My Holiday in France Lifted a Fog

Grappling with the practice of calm and present has me realizing I’ve lost that piece of me that use too shine, that bit of je ne sais quoi that made me bright and vibrant.
Heading to France, I was worried I didn’t have it in me too relax and just vacation, too just be me. That I’d be unable to take a break from worrying about the things I can’t control. This anxious worrying often causes me too miss out on just being.What I’ve taken away from my trip is this, Don’t get hung up on where you think you should be, start living where you are.

Many kinds of conversations took place in France, shedding much needed light on my perceived state of limbo. Quietly reminding me through his conscious, kind choices, my friend unknowingly flipped a switch for me. Ah, yes, there is a space I can be apart of that has no expectations of me. That in that space I matter. The Door opening, (I can not work a door in France to save my life! This includes bathroom doors, lmao) bag carrying, inquiries of my preference… all things I forgot that are an important part of life. These selfless acts of small kindness flowed without shame or ridicule. With out a whisper of wanting anything in return from me.
As I taxi out on the run way saying goodbye to a lovely visit, I’m writing this with truly a new lease on life. Leaving limbo behind.

Am I a Passenger or am I a captain of the life I live?
Captain.

Fear Can Wreck Ya 

I believe it’s imbedded in our culture to do better, to be better, to be the best. 
I’m scared that I won’t make the cut. I could list for you my collection of failures and then tell you some mumbo jumbo about them being life lessons, but that’s not where I’m going with this.

Lessons from some of my failures birthed fear, and when faced with daily tasks like parenting, running a business, or even being a productive family member, I find that fear has me questioning myself about my choices. 

When faced with a new challenge I tend to air on the side of caution, bet ya didn’t know that about me. When fear sets in and the recording goes off in my head “do you really have what it takes to execute this?” It’s this recording that sends me into a tail spin. 

Dear fear please get out of my head. You are making life difficult. 

To rid my mind of it’s endless banter and quite the fear takes work. Being in the moment, mindful of how I’m feeling and how I’m addressing my emotions can be exhausting. Catching myself before the banter turns to worry, then to fear has been a priceless life skill. I hope to carry the skill with me always. 

Quiet my mind so I can be present and at peace. I may never fully master this skill,  but my awareness of it has given me back hours during my day. 

Quitting VS. Moving On

Quitter!

It’s all to often when we change direction in life and exit the “something” we are trying, someone calls us out on it, Quitter! We seem to scramble to make excuses why we are not quitters and in fact we had good reason to move on from our endeavor.

Here are a few of my recent Quits or were they?

1.I blindly signed up with a business coaching group. I believe there is much for me to learn and in my hast for help I fell quickly into the “don’t ask any question, just giver her my money, she said she has a solution” category. Now with that said I have learned a ton from this woman and she has helped my salon business tremendously, but what she is selling isn’t where I see myself in the future, ergo I’m not working to my potential and I’m not following instructions. I’m taking what I can and making the projects happen, but not how she is instructing us. This is a costly design, Quitter! Maybe so, who’s to say really….

2.I started counting calories, I did great for months, lost some weight, was feeling so good. What happen you ask, I got busy, stressed, not enough hours in the day, blah blah blah. Plain and simple I quit, I quit on the task, I quit on myself and I quit on the purpose of being healthier and happier with my own body. Boooo, Bad me. This is a clear case of Quitting, so I began again and I will do it better this time because I recognize my triggers that stopped me, this time I will move (trip) past them and work towards my goals and not focus on my failures. Focus on the success, how small they maybe. Calorie counting I love you! I may quit again, who knows, but each time I start, and I will start again it will get easier to move away from the quitting pattern and follow through to triumph.

3. I recently was given a health warning, my gut isn’t good and needs a reset. The Master Cleanse was suggested and after researching it I gave it a go. Well I made it 2 days, they suggest 10. The vomiting and nausea got my questioning, where is the love? The headache and dizziness sent me to google, what is an alternative to what I was doing. Start eating food again, ahhh simple, I like that. I quit the cleanse (10day food fast). Quitter! or am I:) I have an awareness now that I didn’t before and I learned a ton about where I should take my food consumption for my gut issues. When faced with my quitting the cleanse I didn’t turn to my standard oreo for comfort, I went to problem solving and eating vegetables.

Do you see what I’m saying… When is it quitting, giving up and when is it moving on for the greater good of your self, your life.

What a horrible feeling to look in the mirror and face the hard truth that when the going gets tough I hightail it for the OREO’s and excuses. I hate that feeling, but today I didn’t take it there. I didn’t go to “Quitter Land”, today I went straight to moving on, today I made the connection that I tried, things don’t always fit at the moment. These things can be tried again in the future. There is no one grading you on any of this.  I only answer to me and I have to do what’s right for me. (Only then will it all be right with the universe)

 

 

My Big Girl Pants are Giving Me a Wedgie

It all starts with a thought, an idea that will propel my business forward. Then the next thing I know I’m overwhelmed and begging for it to be over. I believe I have a sickness LOL, not really. These ideas come to mind and if I don’t act on them they keep me up at night. They nag at any remaining space in my thoughts till I just have to find  away to make these ideas happen.

~Join a business building group! Why not, I can fit it in somewhere. Who knew there would be weekly task that would push me so far out of my comfort zone I’d need a map to get back.

~Salon expansion! Sure, so easy to add a third chair to 230 sq. ft. It was 6 days of living hell and it looks amazing. Yup the phone hasn’t found a new home yet, but it will along with all of the other loose ends. Some how it all seems to come together.

~Raise my soon to be 4 yr old, she’ll never remember I was to busy for her, right… I thank my lucky stars I’ve got the flexibility to change my schedule to be with her more. Starting that in August, I promise.

~Of corse it’s time to hire an assistant at the salon. Lets go out and give talks to the local hair dressing schools so we can find the right person for sugar.  Please let the girl we like want the job.

I’ll never stop pushing myself, it’s just who I am. I’m always learning how to improve on my time management and I’m always striving to be thoughtful about how my days are spent. One things for certain my big girl pants are giving me a wedgie this week.

I do it all for this girl:)

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It Takes A Village

THANK YOU family! THANK YOU friends! THANK YOU clients! A very special THANK YOU to Brad and Hadley… You all inspire me to dream, to settle for nothing less than happiness. Your willingness to be dragged along on my journey has meant so very much to me.

It would be arrogant to think I’d ever be able to make a go at this life alone. That I’d accomplish and amount to anything with out a close team of family and friends to help me do so.

I have been pushing hard to make big things happen (dreams). I have so many goals set for myself I’ve pushed aside milestones. I’ve sometimes forgotten to breath and thank the wonderful people around me for their constant support (I’m sending thank you notes right after I post this).

It’s unreal to believe in yourself. Self doubt is second nature, and if I’m not sick to my stomach with anxiety I’m worried about why I’m not sick with anxiety. Cruel joke right?! Or is this the formal that keeps me moving forward, the steps that keep me asking the universe “what next”, I drive myself crazy:) I cry a ton (alone in my car).

I’m head first into a new project and I’ve paused to evaluate weather to continue or to throw in the towel. I spent the day with my kiddo enjoying Mother’s day and in the back of my mind, all day, this thing (new project) has been nagging at me. I was on the edge of quitting and an email came in. It was in response to a generator letter my salon director sent out. The respond was positive and just like that I’m back in the game. Thank you Carla!

It truly takes a village… I’m convinced now more than ever. I would be nothing with out my village. I love my village! I am messy, I’m successful, and I’m blessed. I am a women with a village. I wouldn’t have it any other way.